Being Back

is difficult.

Summatimee

It seems a bit weird to continue posting here since I've returned home, but I figured that, since I am in no way done with my time in Australia, neither am I with this blog. Therefore, the posts shall continue!

As of now, it does feel weird to be home.  The transition back coupled with jet lag on top of the endless array of things to get done before leaving for Berkeley has left me perpetually fatigued.  I'm hoping tings will settle down soon and I'll be able to just truly rest for a bit, but until that time the list of tasks that need to be check off continues!

I've been getting a lot of questions about summer plans, so here they are:
- LA: until Wednesday, June 27th
- Berkeley: June 27 on
- Las Vegas: July 13-15
- LA: July 20-22

Other than that, I'll be in Berkeley getting my summer school on! Wee.

Changing Seasons

With less than a week left to go of my time here in Australia, I am being bombarded with questions about returning home. (I do welcome them, honestly!)  When people ask me how I feel about it all, the easiest answer I give is, “I don’t know.” But honestly, that’s not a truthful answer. Because I do know how I feel about going home; it’s that my feelings contradict one another.

On the one hand, I am relieved to be going home. This past semester has been rough both physically and emotionally; from the loss of a dear friend days after arriving, to sicknesses that have forced me to remain in bed for days, I can say it has been a period of patience and testing for me.  Jesus’ timing is surely perfect, and I believe that He had purposes for me undergoing those things at those times, but the knowledge that being surrounded by family and friends would have eased those moments of trial makes me all the more excited to return once more to them.

I’m heaps eager to be home as well. To be home.  It is nothing short of a privilege to be a part of the fellowship at my home uni and to be a member of my family, and after being away from them for so long, I am prepared to come back. In a year, I’ll be hard-pressed to find a community like IV when I leave Berkeley. But in a few weeks, I get the privilege of seeing them again! Pure joy and thankfulness goes to Jesus for my brothers and sisters, and moreso for another year to be able to bless and be blessed by them.

At the same time, I don’t want to leave here. Living in Australia has been drastically different than life at home, and I feel like these past months have been about acclimating myself to what was once a new place. After about five months, I feel like I have really been able to settle down. In my mind, Melbourne has transitioned from a new and unknown adventure to a familiar and almost home-y dwelling place. It took five months to create a foundation here, and now I want to build on it. That I’ve just begun to adapt to this place and yet am days away from leaving is a hard reality to comes to terms with.

What I feel most is a distinction, an almost separateness, between life pre-Australia and life in Australia.  The process of reintegration back to the American lifestyle makes me a bit anxious.  For example, I think about freshman year of uni at Cal. The friends I made that semester are vastly different to the friends I had in high school. If I were to ever have a party where both groups attended, I’m sure they would get along just fine. But the initial moments of greeting would carry a feeling of awkwardness or at least an inclination to be reserved. It would take a while before the tension slackens in the room and a level of comfort and ease is established.  This is sort of the tension I anticipate when I return home, not between me and friends, but between the me in Australia that doesn’t want to leave and the me that welcomes the old and (in a sense) familiar way.

As hard as it is for me to accept, I was never meant to stay here for longer. Whether God calls me back here or not in the future, my study abroad experience was just another season of my life. He is once again preparing me for a new adventure with Him, albeit in a familiar place.  Junior year is over and I am now a senior, the structure of InterVarsity is undergoing a series of transformations, the dates of numerous weddings are inked in red on my calendar, friends are choosing into relationship with Jesus… the list goes on. Whether it is the changing of certain situations, familial relationships, friendships, or the people themselves, I’m returning to a familiar landscape that has transitioned into a new season.

Even as I sit here, I sense that God is readying me for this new season of storms and sunshine. He is calling me to be intentional in my relationships with my future freshmen, to cherish those moments of laughter and celebration with my brothers and sisters, and to praise Him for the love He will surround me with in times of testing. And in obedience I will try to ready myself for the plans God has for me. But even if I don’t feel ready to return yet, that’s ok. If there’s one thing I learned this semester, nothing can thwart God’s plans for me. Not even me.

A few things I want when I get back home:

- a Lucky Boy burrito
- to watch a movie with Cheerio
- an In n Out burger with extra grilled onions and animal style fries
- a rotisserie chicken and churro from Costco
- to be surrounded by 5 pillows
- filipino eggrolls

1) i live a privileged life.
2) most of these things are food.

A belated 21st birthday gift

and something to remember Australia by!

(I also just got really bored studying for exams.)

T Minus 2 Weeks

till I'm back home.

Get ready, y'alls!


('Cause I'm not.)